that is what Owen calls it (snow). tons of it, and neverending. to the point where you just go ahead and put on your full snow gear, pants, boots, huge jacket, everyday. I love it, it is beautiful and enchantingly 'quiet and white', as derek would put it. I need to get some pictures up of the kids sledding. I got 2 sweet ski sleds for $5 each at a yard sale this summer. Owens is black with a star wars type steering wheel. Esme's is pink and purple and is the same one matt and i got for christmas as kids and rode until mikey broke his back on it 6 or 7 years ago. i was pulling the kids real fast on owens sled and it took me a while to notice that owen had fallen off, his foot caught in the seat, and i was dragging him like in the movies when they would tie a cowboy to a horse and slap its butt. he sat up in shock when i noticed and stopped, his face was white. so sad. he was very mad and told me i am not his dad anymore and he didn't love me. but later on when we were inside by the fire he said i am his dad and he loves me, so i guess he will get some toys from santa clause afterall.

Over Me

I was looking up White Heart videos on youtube yesterday. Some of the old Powerhouse stuff was so nostalgic to watch. I can't even tell you what this music does to me. And I found a reunion they did in 2006, playing a song called Freedom that we used to listen to that album daily growing up. It is kind of rock/metal era Christian music. When I watch those videos it stirs my spirit more than anything else. More than church, worship, other daily Christian life things. I am not at all being critical to those things. I am involved in church, I worship God, I try to live a good life. Those Christian Industry bands from the 80's and maybe 90's just seemed so real and straight forward with their ministry. It makes me wonder if the whole industry and Christian church and ministry and what not has changed or was just different back then. It was like a different movement, kids seemed more into checking out what we now look at as 'cliche' happenings, like having a concert at knotts berry farm called heart2heart or something. those bands would spend most of their set sharing the Bible and the Gospel in straight honest ways, then singing songs they wrote specifically about that, songs where everyone could understand exactly what they were talking about and were straight out of the Bible, helping the Gospel make sense to new, old, and non christians without twisting it around in order to get people to listen. It wasn't just leading worship, it was putting their whole heart into the songs like the best secular bands do now, and singing with such purpose. And maybe this is just because I am older now, but it seems that there is more criticism in Christianity, the industry, organized ministry these days. Those that want to keep it real and straight, and those that want to try new ways. Of course Jesus wants us to be real, to bring the same message everywhere we go, to be honest while doing it. At least I think so. Again this is not criticism. Just thinking and getting anxious about how powerful those old songs still are to me. People could go to a "show" - not just a worship gathering where the worship band is trying to stay behind a curtain or something so people won't focus on them but on God and the song lyrics - it would be a Christian band, blatantly Christian, with a message, but still putting on a good rock show full of passion. Yes people are watching them and cheering for them, and through that they are sharing what has made them so happy and free. I have led worship at my church for some time now and most always feel totally discouraged when finished, realizing half the time that I did not even think about what we were singing about, but worried if I was leading people to Jesus or not. Worship gatherings are great and important, don't get me wrong. But I think maybe there is room right now in the Christian Industry, in the Chruch, and most importantly, outside of the church, for music and gatherings to put on shows and performances, to do it like any secular show would, but to be all about using our gifts with joy and freedom for the purpose of sharing the gospel to everyone in a real, honest way. And straight out of the bible. Write songs about anything, if God has changed your life, if you experience freedom, they will shake people's spirits, because everyone finds emptiness without Christ. Make money and use it to continue sharing with more people, if we try to be overly-humble and turn down money how far will we get. Use it for God's glory! I am sorry again if this sounds so cliche, I don't mean to do that and I hope it makes sense that I am sharing my honest spur of the moment thoughts, not just repeating something I've heard. Anyway I think I am asking God to help me use this stirring to get deeper into the Bible, to take that to heart, to use my time and gifts to share that with everyone, and to care for people. And lastly I do not mean at all to try to sound all accomplished or holy. We all think about this stuff right? I have been so burnt out on church and "ministry", something that God put in my life as a child is what shakes my spirit, and I am anxious to share my faith! I know for a fact that alot of my friends who read this blog are seeking or sought the blatant truth of God and the bible, where our faith lies, and something to really believe in and be excited to share. Maybe not word for word but you know what I mean, I think. Thoughts, please! Just straight up thoughts, write it before you can contemplate it...
Click the title for a White Heart video from those days. Easy to make fun of I know but it was our childhood, and it was the 80's. A song (and album - White Heart 'Freedom') that my Dad talks about had a big affect on him giving his life over to God after wandering about for a while when we were small kids. He also talks about another song we grew up on that says "I am laying down my crown, let the kingdom come". Even through my dad these songs had a huge affect and still do on me and my faith as well. Still one of my favorite albums ever.

Owen and I...

Both sick with colds and ear infections, or vice versa. worst cold I've ever had. somehow we got those both together or gave them to eachother. as horrible as we feel, there is nothing else like spending time and cuddling with Owen by the fire watching Christmas movies. I usually let my sickness just take me over and wait for it to fade, but lately I have been on anti-congestants, anti-biotics, tea, losenges, quils (both day and ny), vapor rub, humidifier... We spent some time in Anaheim this weekend and at Disneyland with the Zaps. Always amazing at Christmas time! Looking forward to celebrating Christmas and getting well. Not looking forward to working while sick. Andrea has been observing at all the schools up here to finish her schooling and very busy at that, now she is getting sick and she just does not deserve that. some friends of ours up here lost their baby a couple days ago and still had to deliver it yesterday. i obviously cannot even imagine. the baby girl was 6 months along in the womb. that is just so devestating. Pray for them if you ever think about it - Cliff and Kristen. We are so blessed. We miss and love you all and hope everyone is well.

nu thang

my wife is a great cook. she pretty much cooks me 3 meals a day, and they always seem to be whatever I am thinking would be the best thing to eat at that moment. it is usually super creative and interesting, but even when it is pretty conventional, it hits the spot.

we are lucky, or blessed people. we complain about our country, our economy, and even our daily lives which usually consists somewhat of responsibilities that we make for ourselves. consumer stuff, like clothes, activities, entertainment, materialism. one thing I know is that Jesus loved the poor and oppressed. I can't imagine how cliche and annoying I might sound right now, and how often I say that too. I don't know much about it but I know hundreds of people are dead or wounded around India from terrorist bombings or attacks. people are starving, desperate, and lost hope. we have the advantage of growing up in America, the ideal of freedom and hope, and it is hard for us to even see what goes on around the world, let alone make an impact. it almost seems like there are 2 type of people, those that believe we've earned the leisures we have in consumer America and those who say we need to earn them or don't deserve them. I don't know if that makes any sense, or even where I fall. I know I am thankful for the place and family I was born into, and that in my heart, as I know you all do, I feel the need for others to be able to feel that blessed.

i watched Mongol last night. loved it. there will be 2 more making a trilogy about Ghengis Khan. I am looking forward to seeing Inglorious Basterds!

tomorrow we will celebrate good harvest with good food, family, and friends, and hopefully we will all acknowledge all that we have to be thankful for, and take that everywhere we go... that is about as cheesy as I can get, but I mean it.

Life has been good, watching my kids grow is going by faster and faster all the time, as busy as we make ourselves, we are doing our best to enjoy and make well every minute of it.

who was telling me about that Disneyland nintendo game where you walk around disneyland and ride rides? I found it on ebay for like $6! yeah i bought it, it is awesome. come up and play nintendo and do puzzles with us sometime!

Used Mac?

All I want is a cheap used Mac laptop, I know nothing about Macs, macbook, pro, notebook, powerbook, whatever. I just want something that is capable of garage band, hopefully the new garage band 3, and may be capable to install pro tools, etc. on eventually.

Does anyone have any ideas, friends, or computers you want to sell??? It is probablyu impossible to do this for around $200 right? Gotta try, maybe I could dig up somemore cash if I find a good deal... It would be my christmas present from my wife. This is weird I have never written a blog like this!

people writing about posting

thats who i'm joining. need to keep up and update. this blog world actually is amazing, its not just a web log but its like your own website that you take pride in, well some people do i guess. some of our best friends that we don't even seem to know anymore (which is no ones' fault) still chat and communicate / keep up on here. it is scary how we drift apart, adulthood, life, plans, future, i'm always thinking nostalgically about our old commune ideas.

andrea and i played a show last week in norwalk and made a date night out of it, went out to dinner at buca di beppos. so good. i yelled "buca!" and got the employees all riled up. the show was fun, played lots of new songs and covers we never get to play. might do that more often.



we took our christmas pictures at JC Penny yesterday. i'll sum it up with this: owen yelling, doing buzz light year poses, with blood dripping down his face from taking off a bandaid (which he is wearing in the photos), esme running in circles in christmas pajamas trying to pull down the background curtain. the picture lady had sweat dripping down her face. disaster, and loving every minute of it. you have to have fun with it. actually esme did really good. owen on the other hand... we had a great day.

could never have imagined being this busy. more routine every year, and i am growing more and more content with it. everyday is hard work no matter what with these kids. We don't sleep enough, things like having a clean house or cool style house or whatever don't really exist. we spend our quality time together as a couple late at night after the kids went to bed around 8 and we spent a couple hours catching up on... everything. Andrea is a machine. we are looking into buying a house up here. i have realized through getting depressed about not playing music more or sitting around thinking about all we wish we could do, that if we were in those situations we would probably long for what we have right here and now. that God probably saved me from wasting time with things that don't glorify him or make any differences. realizing how easy it is to get caught up in our own significance. and with all the crazy politics, i just hope good people don't judge good people on their political veiws, as if someone has it all figured out...


ONE IN THE SAME

to the saints
give up your fame
we're one in the same

to the faint
lift up your head
see that instead
we're one in the same

to the preachers
down from your thrones
lay down your stones
we're one in the same

to all you children
the young and the wise
the old and the bold
we're one in the same

bring your joy
bring your pain
we come in here different
but we're leaving the same

well you call yourself a lover
you call yourself a sinner
you call yourself nothing
but we're one in the same

Like Right Now

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."
James 4: 7-17

These verses just stuck out to me today. I don't mean to put up so much scripture or make any kind of statement about this. In fact, I rarely read my Bible but wonder and think about it everyday. Today I read this and it is encouraging during the times we are living in.

I so often just sit at work, I have all this work to do, I feel anxious, but instead I freeze and just sit and think about so many things, or try to think of something to look up online to distract me, then I end up getting way more anxious. It is usually thinking about stuff like money, what am I doing with or for my family, what am I doing here, how did I end up here, why can't I write songs that I want to write, why does being a musician, or wanting to, feel like such a curse, why do I always compare myself to others or care what they think, why are politics so scary, why is religion so confusing, why won't I stop smoking, why is it such a big deal, bla blabla blabla. you know how it goes. Usually days like this, quite gloomy, come after being with friends that are like family and then all the sudden I am alone and quiet while my kids are at school and my wife is out. How hard is it for us to trust God and not worry about tomorrow? How hard is it for us not to judge? Life definately is not simple, all the priorities we make, but is it simple to love one another and not to judge? I am excited to raise my kids with an attitude of honesty. not like i won't do my best to teach them with discipline and guard them from things they don't need to know or see yet, but justto lead by example of who we are and why we need Christ. to be christlike is not to be sinless, but to be needy and dependent on Christ. at least thats what I think. why can't I have strong spiritual and political views and dominate in debates and arguments? why am I so annoyed and turned off by that? Even more, I am so annoyed with myself and everything I just wrote. I worry that people will think I am doing bad or look down on me. That is so ridiculous. Truth is, I think we are all so lucky and blessed. The things we do, the friends and family we have, this country... Its just naked honesty. As usual I want to delete it, but I can't! dangit! I'm not gonna re-read it, just post it. everyone's gonna think I'm stupid. Just kidding, but really.

While we're being so honest, here is a song I wrote a while ago, one that comes out when you are feeling the worst but have to write it down and let it be what it is:

My life is heaven and my head is hell
these songs do nothing, say nothing, mean nothing
there is no cure, no pill, no drink that can get me out of this
can't express a thing

sitting on the back porch watching the smoke
travel up my nose and into my joke
looking through the neighbors' filthy windows as they cook their drugs
and wondering if they're jealous of me, wondering if they've had enough

middle of the night and i'm on the stairs
staring at the wall and the picture frame glares
posing myself for a video
knowing that i'm sorry but i won't let go
knowing i'm pathetic but i can't let go

casting up prayers to a shiny moon
trying to be honest when i talk to you
the devil tells me that i'm fake, god knows if i'm real
the voice i legitimize is the love i steal

Blends

Blog trends. First off, regarding His Poolitics, I will be voting for Matt Pool for President. I watched the Rick Warren Interviews simultaneously by each question and answer. I will be doing the same with each of the debates. Media, T.V., Internet sites, Blogs, books, etc., these sources are throwing so many different opinions and subjects at us that don't really focus on the important issues at hand and cloud my mind. I think it is a good idea to approach the candidates in their spur of the moment reactions and answers to America's questions, with a clear mind. Don't get me wrong, those sources are what we have and we should be considering everything we can, but watching the candidates by themselves answering the important questions and arguing about what we should be voting on is much more important.


A video of Owen "sharing" on His first day of pre-school. If you listen and watch closely, you will hear Esme reminding him he needs to pass His toy around, while Mrs. Stalcup is telling Him not to. Mrs. Stalcup was my pre-school teacher, as well as Matt's and Derek's, and the teacher of some friends that are my parents' age. She old.


My beautiful soulmate and boy.


Doing the bunny ears.



They will not be happy with me.

Experiences

"Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve." 1 Peter 5:2



I went to Ensanada for about a week over labor day with a group of guys to build a basketball court for a boys home that a missionary family started with the Mexican churches they planted down there. It may sound like a random thing to do but it was what the ministry in the area needed to help kids find a place to go that is not totally corrupted by drugs or what not. Some guys from our local church are great at concrete so it worked out very well. I went along to help and play music and lead worship for the group and churches. It was a great experience, and through all the weird missions trips and skeptical experiences I have had with churches and outreach, this typical trip was the opposite. I prayed alot and put my skepticisms aside, letting words like the scripture above humble and simplify our purpose to serve. I have often felt that it was a waste of time and money to travel to distant areas to do small deeds (short term missions), I have learned to hate the trendy church trips that often turn into inward experiences and not really grasping the idea of outreaching which is the great commission. But I decided to try this again and as I grow up I have become more... layed back I guess... taking Gods word for what it is instead of trying to find my own understanding. We had fun, ate tacos, worked very hard, the hardest I think I have ever worked, learned concrete, drank good mexican beer, smoked tobacco, played pool, met people, got to know eachother, built relationships, argued, fellowshiped and worshiped together. Oh and I learned some mad knife fighting skills, and bought a knife. Some guys had the opportunity to build a new roof for a lady who had lived in this house for over 70 years! Her roof collapsed one night from the rain. Anyway, it is always an experience like any other. I watch these families who bring their kids to foreign countries and I always wonder if it is right, sometimes if it is necessary. But regardless, I have realized that if an opportunity to serve comes along, in any circumstance, anytime and anywhere, these words have an opportunity to ring true. I love when our hearts get softened. It was a good guys trip to get to know and make new friends as well.

Click the title to see the site with more pictures and a sweet video.

side note: Owen started pre-school this week, so both the kids are in school. pictures to come. crazy.

Bunch Ball

Hey friends,

I just put up Buttloads of photos ranging back to last December if you wanna check them out. Heading down to la for matt's 28th (happy birthday matt!), then to the hilton tomorrow for swimming and fun time, then to disneyland monday, then back to real life again. Esme had her first soccer game today, they won! Of course there's the one kid that scores all the goals, but they did pretty good. Esme is all about team work, thats what she will tell you. I will post pictures of that soon. Here are a few pics from last Christmas, Lake Powell, Ballet, Pre-school, and whatever else... Peace and love!

this is crazy this is crazy this is crazy

I guess I am turning into a full blown typical dad when it comes to things i love like music. Buying my kids instruments, Listening to music I love that they are starting to admit is annoying, playing them songs on the guitar like pirates of the carribean, zip-a-dee-do-da, and bob the builder, and being more excited about playing in cover bands around town with 30 and 40-year-olds than I ever thought I could be. No shame either. My kids have good music taste and know the real from the not-so-real, so I am happy. I am reading more, still working on reading the Bible from front to back (how typical). Started in 2003 after getting married and have been stuck in the plagues area of Exodus ever since. I can read like crazy when it comes to thrillers, otherwise I lose interest due to my generation's growing up into lack of imagination (eg. Reality T.V., umm... T.V.). I am going to Mexico in a few weeks to lead worship and build a basketball court for a kids home. I am excited to go. Gotta go down to the park now, Esme's first soccer meet!

"A Christian shouldn't be reacting, he should be acting. He should be listening to God and then acting upon what God has revealed to him, not reacting to other stimuli from sources other than God."

"It is now possible for a singer who is a Christian to record for a Christian record company, be distributed by a Christian distributor, be stocked on shelves in a Christian Bible Bookstore, and be purchased by Christians and only Christians, and this cycle from studio to turntable at home can provide a singer with enough income he need not take his message to anyone but Christians."


http://www.dagsrule.com/stuff/larry/intvw80c.html

+ FISH, + 25

Today we got up super early, ate at alpine, and went over past fawnskin to Gray's Landing. The sunrise was beautiful. I got 1 fish, almost a foot long i guess? it was fun. we tried to gut it without learning how first, which was rough, and sticky. now it's in my freezer and i shall dine upon it this eve.

Tomorrow i am 25. Either going snowboarding (free on your birthday!) or we are going to disneyland last minute. double fisted thumbs! ALRIIIIGHT!

- FISH

no fish today, but got our liscenses and our gear wet. we plan to fish, my dad and i, every teusday morning, taking the new boat out starting april 1st. good times, enjoying God's creation and beauty in ways that i never usually stop and think to. in other news, lets see... school is going hectic but good for both of us; Esme got glasses, pre-schoolin; Owen is talking alot, drummin, tractorin; the weather is nice and changing, and that's about that!

fishing season starts tomorrow, at least it does for the pools.

nah tamara egghead, now... gehead!

holiday time is/was very, very good. i feel so blessed that i almost feel bad feeling good. not that we have it easy, just that family is more of a blessing than we sometimes consider. since this summer has passed i have been trying to be more optimistic, counting my blessings every day, and in doing so I see Gods love for us all around, through the horrible, into the good. we watched the nativity story movie, which is awesome i think, and read in Luke with the kids at christmas time. we also exchanged gifts with Mario Jose, our sponsored child in Guatemala. That has been one of tyhe most life-changing experiences of our lives so far. we sent him a nativity book and some toys and recieved back his hand prints and a christmas picture he colored for us. the house was cozy, spent quality time with the fam and ate good food, played some christmas story monopoly (awesome). no new years resolutions, i heard it said that the calender shouldn't control what we strive for, who we are or goals we make. i agree.

having our family among our humble abode made the celebration of life and love top notch.

pictures will be up shortly, and many at that! we have been busier than ever, andrea and i both going to school, esme still in preschool, which isnt cheap by the way, owen learning to pee downward, and of course the business working overtime. we have been talking of staying in big bear longer than we had planned. i have been learning alot, i love working with family, and i have been growing more content of the lodge business. in the midst of all this i pulled out the old 4-track and have been writing again (mush inspiration due to m&a's christmas gift).