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"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."
James 4: 7-17

These verses just stuck out to me today. I don't mean to put up so much scripture or make any kind of statement about this. In fact, I rarely read my Bible but wonder and think about it everyday. Today I read this and it is encouraging during the times we are living in.

I so often just sit at work, I have all this work to do, I feel anxious, but instead I freeze and just sit and think about so many things, or try to think of something to look up online to distract me, then I end up getting way more anxious. It is usually thinking about stuff like money, what am I doing with or for my family, what am I doing here, how did I end up here, why can't I write songs that I want to write, why does being a musician, or wanting to, feel like such a curse, why do I always compare myself to others or care what they think, why are politics so scary, why is religion so confusing, why won't I stop smoking, why is it such a big deal, bla blabla blabla. you know how it goes. Usually days like this, quite gloomy, come after being with friends that are like family and then all the sudden I am alone and quiet while my kids are at school and my wife is out. How hard is it for us to trust God and not worry about tomorrow? How hard is it for us not to judge? Life definately is not simple, all the priorities we make, but is it simple to love one another and not to judge? I am excited to raise my kids with an attitude of honesty. not like i won't do my best to teach them with discipline and guard them from things they don't need to know or see yet, but justto lead by example of who we are and why we need Christ. to be christlike is not to be sinless, but to be needy and dependent on Christ. at least thats what I think. why can't I have strong spiritual and political views and dominate in debates and arguments? why am I so annoyed and turned off by that? Even more, I am so annoyed with myself and everything I just wrote. I worry that people will think I am doing bad or look down on me. That is so ridiculous. Truth is, I think we are all so lucky and blessed. The things we do, the friends and family we have, this country... Its just naked honesty. As usual I want to delete it, but I can't! dangit! I'm not gonna re-read it, just post it. everyone's gonna think I'm stupid. Just kidding, but really.

While we're being so honest, here is a song I wrote a while ago, one that comes out when you are feeling the worst but have to write it down and let it be what it is:

My life is heaven and my head is hell
these songs do nothing, say nothing, mean nothing
there is no cure, no pill, no drink that can get me out of this
can't express a thing

sitting on the back porch watching the smoke
travel up my nose and into my joke
looking through the neighbors' filthy windows as they cook their drugs
and wondering if they're jealous of me, wondering if they've had enough

middle of the night and i'm on the stairs
staring at the wall and the picture frame glares
posing myself for a video
knowing that i'm sorry but i won't let go
knowing i'm pathetic but i can't let go

casting up prayers to a shiny moon
trying to be honest when i talk to you
the devil tells me that i'm fake, god knows if i'm real
the voice i legitimize is the love i steal

Blends

Blog trends. First off, regarding His Poolitics, I will be voting for Matt Pool for President. I watched the Rick Warren Interviews simultaneously by each question and answer. I will be doing the same with each of the debates. Media, T.V., Internet sites, Blogs, books, etc., these sources are throwing so many different opinions and subjects at us that don't really focus on the important issues at hand and cloud my mind. I think it is a good idea to approach the candidates in their spur of the moment reactions and answers to America's questions, with a clear mind. Don't get me wrong, those sources are what we have and we should be considering everything we can, but watching the candidates by themselves answering the important questions and arguing about what we should be voting on is much more important.


A video of Owen "sharing" on His first day of pre-school. If you listen and watch closely, you will hear Esme reminding him he needs to pass His toy around, while Mrs. Stalcup is telling Him not to. Mrs. Stalcup was my pre-school teacher, as well as Matt's and Derek's, and the teacher of some friends that are my parents' age. She old.


My beautiful soulmate and boy.


Doing the bunny ears.



They will not be happy with me.

Experiences

"Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve." 1 Peter 5:2



I went to Ensanada for about a week over labor day with a group of guys to build a basketball court for a boys home that a missionary family started with the Mexican churches they planted down there. It may sound like a random thing to do but it was what the ministry in the area needed to help kids find a place to go that is not totally corrupted by drugs or what not. Some guys from our local church are great at concrete so it worked out very well. I went along to help and play music and lead worship for the group and churches. It was a great experience, and through all the weird missions trips and skeptical experiences I have had with churches and outreach, this typical trip was the opposite. I prayed alot and put my skepticisms aside, letting words like the scripture above humble and simplify our purpose to serve. I have often felt that it was a waste of time and money to travel to distant areas to do small deeds (short term missions), I have learned to hate the trendy church trips that often turn into inward experiences and not really grasping the idea of outreaching which is the great commission. But I decided to try this again and as I grow up I have become more... layed back I guess... taking Gods word for what it is instead of trying to find my own understanding. We had fun, ate tacos, worked very hard, the hardest I think I have ever worked, learned concrete, drank good mexican beer, smoked tobacco, played pool, met people, got to know eachother, built relationships, argued, fellowshiped and worshiped together. Oh and I learned some mad knife fighting skills, and bought a knife. Some guys had the opportunity to build a new roof for a lady who had lived in this house for over 70 years! Her roof collapsed one night from the rain. Anyway, it is always an experience like any other. I watch these families who bring their kids to foreign countries and I always wonder if it is right, sometimes if it is necessary. But regardless, I have realized that if an opportunity to serve comes along, in any circumstance, anytime and anywhere, these words have an opportunity to ring true. I love when our hearts get softened. It was a good guys trip to get to know and make new friends as well.

Click the title to see the site with more pictures and a sweet video.

side note: Owen started pre-school this week, so both the kids are in school. pictures to come. crazy.