that is what Owen calls it (snow). tons of it, and neverending. to the point where you just go ahead and put on your full snow gear, pants, boots, huge jacket, everyday. I love it, it is beautiful and enchantingly 'quiet and white', as derek would put it. I need to get some pictures up of the kids sledding. I got 2 sweet ski sleds for $5 each at a yard sale this summer. Owens is black with a star wars type steering wheel. Esme's is pink and purple and is the same one matt and i got for christmas as kids and rode until mikey broke his back on it 6 or 7 years ago. i was pulling the kids real fast on owens sled and it took me a while to notice that owen had fallen off, his foot caught in the seat, and i was dragging him like in the movies when they would tie a cowboy to a horse and slap its butt. he sat up in shock when i noticed and stopped, his face was white. so sad. he was very mad and told me i am not his dad anymore and he didn't love me. but later on when we were inside by the fire he said i am his dad and he loves me, so i guess he will get some toys from santa clause afterall.

Over Me

I was looking up White Heart videos on youtube yesterday. Some of the old Powerhouse stuff was so nostalgic to watch. I can't even tell you what this music does to me. And I found a reunion they did in 2006, playing a song called Freedom that we used to listen to that album daily growing up. It is kind of rock/metal era Christian music. When I watch those videos it stirs my spirit more than anything else. More than church, worship, other daily Christian life things. I am not at all being critical to those things. I am involved in church, I worship God, I try to live a good life. Those Christian Industry bands from the 80's and maybe 90's just seemed so real and straight forward with their ministry. It makes me wonder if the whole industry and Christian church and ministry and what not has changed or was just different back then. It was like a different movement, kids seemed more into checking out what we now look at as 'cliche' happenings, like having a concert at knotts berry farm called heart2heart or something. those bands would spend most of their set sharing the Bible and the Gospel in straight honest ways, then singing songs they wrote specifically about that, songs where everyone could understand exactly what they were talking about and were straight out of the Bible, helping the Gospel make sense to new, old, and non christians without twisting it around in order to get people to listen. It wasn't just leading worship, it was putting their whole heart into the songs like the best secular bands do now, and singing with such purpose. And maybe this is just because I am older now, but it seems that there is more criticism in Christianity, the industry, organized ministry these days. Those that want to keep it real and straight, and those that want to try new ways. Of course Jesus wants us to be real, to bring the same message everywhere we go, to be honest while doing it. At least I think so. Again this is not criticism. Just thinking and getting anxious about how powerful those old songs still are to me. People could go to a "show" - not just a worship gathering where the worship band is trying to stay behind a curtain or something so people won't focus on them but on God and the song lyrics - it would be a Christian band, blatantly Christian, with a message, but still putting on a good rock show full of passion. Yes people are watching them and cheering for them, and through that they are sharing what has made them so happy and free. I have led worship at my church for some time now and most always feel totally discouraged when finished, realizing half the time that I did not even think about what we were singing about, but worried if I was leading people to Jesus or not. Worship gatherings are great and important, don't get me wrong. But I think maybe there is room right now in the Christian Industry, in the Chruch, and most importantly, outside of the church, for music and gatherings to put on shows and performances, to do it like any secular show would, but to be all about using our gifts with joy and freedom for the purpose of sharing the gospel to everyone in a real, honest way. And straight out of the bible. Write songs about anything, if God has changed your life, if you experience freedom, they will shake people's spirits, because everyone finds emptiness without Christ. Make money and use it to continue sharing with more people, if we try to be overly-humble and turn down money how far will we get. Use it for God's glory! I am sorry again if this sounds so cliche, I don't mean to do that and I hope it makes sense that I am sharing my honest spur of the moment thoughts, not just repeating something I've heard. Anyway I think I am asking God to help me use this stirring to get deeper into the Bible, to take that to heart, to use my time and gifts to share that with everyone, and to care for people. And lastly I do not mean at all to try to sound all accomplished or holy. We all think about this stuff right? I have been so burnt out on church and "ministry", something that God put in my life as a child is what shakes my spirit, and I am anxious to share my faith! I know for a fact that alot of my friends who read this blog are seeking or sought the blatant truth of God and the bible, where our faith lies, and something to really believe in and be excited to share. Maybe not word for word but you know what I mean, I think. Thoughts, please! Just straight up thoughts, write it before you can contemplate it...
Click the title for a White Heart video from those days. Easy to make fun of I know but it was our childhood, and it was the 80's. A song (and album - White Heart 'Freedom') that my Dad talks about had a big affect on him giving his life over to God after wandering about for a while when we were small kids. He also talks about another song we grew up on that says "I am laying down my crown, let the kingdom come". Even through my dad these songs had a huge affect and still do on me and my faith as well. Still one of my favorite albums ever.

Owen and I...

Both sick with colds and ear infections, or vice versa. worst cold I've ever had. somehow we got those both together or gave them to eachother. as horrible as we feel, there is nothing else like spending time and cuddling with Owen by the fire watching Christmas movies. I usually let my sickness just take me over and wait for it to fade, but lately I have been on anti-congestants, anti-biotics, tea, losenges, quils (both day and ny), vapor rub, humidifier... We spent some time in Anaheim this weekend and at Disneyland with the Zaps. Always amazing at Christmas time! Looking forward to celebrating Christmas and getting well. Not looking forward to working while sick. Andrea has been observing at all the schools up here to finish her schooling and very busy at that, now she is getting sick and she just does not deserve that. some friends of ours up here lost their baby a couple days ago and still had to deliver it yesterday. i obviously cannot even imagine. the baby girl was 6 months along in the womb. that is just so devestating. Pray for them if you ever think about it - Cliff and Kristen. We are so blessed. We miss and love you all and hope everyone is well.