Click & Flick

P i C t U r E s


fromst our vacation


in particular order

weekoff

so here we are on our little vacation this week. its been a blast so far. spent 2 nights at matt/ambers, got to hang with tim/shauna isaac/chan brandon/v there sat night and did some cruising in pasedena yesterday. loved being there. today we went to legoland which was awesome, the day went perfect other than the tail-gating ticket i got about 10 seconds from legoland. i dont think i was tailgating anymore than anyone else. but i look like a real troublemaker with my wife kids and suv. so we checked into our hotel in san diego and they hooked us up with the exec suite, so now we're sitting in this awesome hotel room with the ocean outside eating sushi with complimentary wine, watching HD baseball on tv and building a tractor with owen that he got at legoland. feeling pretty spoiled. tomorrow we hit up seaworld, i'm an amusement park dork, whether they are popular or not i love them all, so i'm hving a good time. we used to draw and plan entire parks, even where we were building them. esme seems to be the same way, we have been working our way through the park maps together. it used to make me so excited as a kid and watching my kids do it is even better. i'll post some pics later on.

josh

photocreditpeterwilson

i cant say what i wish i could say, or what is going on or what is on my mind. i just cant and i dont know why. it is so personal its to hard to explain like everyone else does on their blogs. everything you're all going through. some people are honest and journal on here, and others sit and think about what to say or post to sound clever, funny, intellectual, like they got it all together. i, in my life up to now, have felt so distant from everyone i know and i cannot be convinced even with endless conversations with loving friends, that anyone could ever understand. i have written pages on here and erased them so many times. but it really is such a more productive thing than i realize, blogging to our friends, it is so much more interesting to read an honest from the heart entry than some catchy clever stuff, which is ok. we talk about our spirituality, i feel like i've been in a spitiual fricken blender. a good friend told me spirituality is loving God and loving others. we search for "his will" for our lives, when that is it, his will for us is to love like him. and music, the endless race, i cant figure out where all the glory is going. who is glorified in your music? is everyone really writing music because it is the only way they can express whats dying to get out of them, or is it worthless? what is it worth anyway, whats really important? i feel like i am losing my mind, i wish i could tie it down and understand, be motivated. and now i am talking like the attention-grasper, but honestly, i am just trying to speak whats on my heart. i want to erase this because i am afraid people will think i am wrong, or annoying, or bitchy, or whatever, as always, but i am going to click publish post before i can stop myself.

what it could mean

lately i have been thinking about all the people i love, and realizing how much it could mean to tell them i love them every chance i get. not just to make sure they know they are loved, but to really express to them my love for them and the bond in that. i have been feeling rather emo lately. and i use that term for what it was to us years ago, not the animated emo-kid, screamo, whatever the hell it has become that is portrayed and made fun of these days. to me it used to mean being deep and emotional with my feelings and others, and as much as it became so uncool to say 'emo', that meant alot to me back then. God works in wierd ways, and through the hardest things that make us feel hopeless, we become broken. i have been broken and watched those around me broken, but that is when the true meaning of love shines through. i am so thankful for Gods love, because i have really realized that without it we would be hopeless. that may sound obvious and even cliche, but it means everything. when we can get past all our little concerns about ourselves and meaningless things and seek the only hope in this world, and feed off of that, then and only then do we find purpose, in anything. and i think through that it becomes our desire to love others, not just to say it, to do it. so on that note, i truly love you.

and on another note, here are my most recent listens, way random too...:

last days of april - if you lose it
american football - self-titeld
crosby stills and nash - self-titled
michael w smith - i 2 (eye)
leeland - sound of melodies

you?

copycat

who cares...

into:
petco park tomorrow
my sleepy forest hat
my tackle box
high school kids starting bands
my wife naked
owen growling and headbanging
esme marrying me
swedish fish
remodeling
manicotti

not into:
work
yuppies
cleaning
computers
motorcycles
schedules
mean neighbors
white people bumping hip-hop down my street (we're in big bear!)

ark of suffering

This was one of our favorite christian metal bands growing up, Tourniquet. We had a VHS called "Hot Metal 4" with this and many other videos of christian metal bands that ruled hard, which we watched religously, but we lost it somewhere along the way. This song still rules over many in my book.

Finally

Just put these and many more pictures up from within the last year. They are way past due, but you can see more favorites on the kid's blog, or see all of them here.

F word! God forgive me God forgive me God forgive me God forgive me God forgive me...

i remember when i was a kid my freinds would want to come to sleepy forest so bad to snack on the continental breakfast snacks that we could get for free from the office kitchen (or basically steal). i always wondered why they liked the tiny bagels, round cream cheese containers and tree top apple juice cans so much. i guess i was sick of them, i was spoiled. brianna and i used to run down to a neighbors wood pile and hide the snacks in the wood if we didnt finish them. what was the point of that? now i monotinously set out and put away similar breakfast items almost every morning of my life. and that wood pile is still in the same spot. my fear is to never leave. my hope is to move on. but at the same time, i will stay here and stress myself out every day about all the little details of owning my own business just like my mom does, if that is where i belong. my dad would tell you, according to his diagnosis, that i am like my mom and my brother is like my dad. for the most part i've realized this is true. although i hate this place at times because i have to see them stress out so much, i am damn proud of my parents. and how blessed we are with what we have been given. someone recently anonymously sent my wife a book called "the power of optimism". i hate stupid books like that, but this one is ringing true.

All I Know

How deep the Father's love for us How vast beyond all measure That He should give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure How great the pain of searing loss The Father turns His face away As wounds which mar the chosen One Bring many sons to glory Behold the Man upon a cross My sin upon His shoulders Ashamed I hear my mocking voice Call out among the scoffers It was my sin that held Him there Until it was accomplished His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection Why should I gain from His reward I cannot give an answer But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom

the night we didnt see tom petty

talk about heartbreakers. last teusday a friend of mine shane lee invited me to see tom petty with the strokes supporting, for free. who would pass that up? so i got off work at 5pm and we hauled down to hollywood. i was sort of thinking we were "getting in", shanes sister donya mentioned some poeple we were to meet down there, so i thought it was all set. so we call these dudes and realize they are figuring out how to sneak in. i know some friends of mine have snuck into the hollywood bowl before so i figured what the heck. we were instructed to go to the ticket booth, hike up the trail to the right, find the secret bench, and hop the fence. it wasnt that simple. we basically cliff hanged across a mountain, tore through some thorn bushes, stepped on some homeless, and crawled up a dirt path. there was no bench in sight. so instead we sat atop the mountain, met some omish looking potheads, and stared at the huge audience as if they were staring right back at us. the spot we had was very cool, other than not seeing anything near the stage, or the screens. the lights portrayed a picture perfect crowd and the sound bounced off of them straight to us. we missed the strokes, got up there just in time to hear tom petty say "i'm here to rock hollywood". heres where i got depressed the audience started going nuts and we heard a womans voice say hello. suddenly they went into stop dragging my heart around. stevie sang 3 other songs, and tambourined a few more. kill me. this was driving me nuts hearing her sing and not seeing, so we cliff dived our way back down to find the scalpers we'd passed up earlier. they were naire to be found. so i smoked a ciggerette on a bench right outside with into the great wide open blaspheming my ears, sounded perfect of course. today looking online i realized jeff lynne also came out and did a wilburys song with them (footage below). lets see: the strokes, tom petty, the heartbreakers, stevie nicks, jeff lynne. why didnt they just bring out bob dylan and raise george harrison from the dead? as i walked around looking for some long lost scalpers, some drunk bro asked me for a ciggerette, which i exchanged for a wrist band. turning to finally fullfill my destiney and go in, i was bombarded with exiters. it was over. so we called donya's friend matt and decided to meet him at a club where word had it the strokes would be. never found it. shane and i deemed it a worthy night and drove home.

Hi from us

Finally updating the Flickr account with new and old pictures, mostly from this summer. Just a few sets for now, tons more to come. Check the kid's blog for updates as well.

hhcyb

yeah i never really ended up posting much of anything about china like i said i would. to be honest, it is hard to talk about. i really did not expect that it would be. to sum it all up, i had set expectations for why i wasd going on this trip and what i wanted to do and how it was going to work out and feel. now looking back it was the opposite of what i set my mind on, and my perception on the whole thing is still made up of confusion. i signed up because i felt willing to serve and do some real physical hard work for people, with an overall goal of just showing love to whoever i was destined to meet. over the last couple years i have been realizing what Gods grace is really about, and how free it is to everyone, so have been filled with a new excitment to actually share that with others, and not feel cliche or cheesy (because these days, or with my generation, it feels worn out to simplify the fact that we can show Gods love and feel good about it.) i guess what i'm saying is that overtime i have watched myself and those around me grow out of that excitement, and after lots of change and decision making i realized that it can be simple. Jesus has saved us, and offers us grace every day, over and over, and in that realization you can step past the criticism and confusion and fear to proclaim it. anyway, this probably doesnt make sense and makes me sound all elitist or something, but i mean it in a legitiment way, not trying to just prove something. nevermind. what i was getting at is that when we finally got to china, i THEN realized that i was basically on a left over team. the missionary group in china that we worked with needed a few people to do some higeine training in villages that needed it, and survey some well-digging opportunities. we ended up bringing too many people, and i was uninformed the entire time about what was going on. so we ended up teaching english at middkles chools, which is cool. in fact it was amazing how they treated us like total professionals. one night the principle took us out to dinner and sat me and a couple other guys with some of the female teachers. i later found out, after some sake and being offered way too much, that he was trying to get us to go home with he teachers like it was a respectful thing to do, they were all married and acting nervous. that was crazy. i have lots of little stories like that. i do believe that i have grown in some way but i havent fully acknowledged it yet. i think it is towards finding my purpose in life for God. i believe he has something for me to do with my life, in the power of his spirit. but the trip is still hard to think about. same thing when my wife went to jamacia, she never really talked about it because it feels pointless or maybe to hard to think or talk about. i try to see past this as i believe God had a reason for me to be there. the last thing i wanted was to go on some classic missions trip and play with little kids and come back feeling changed and healed and using the experience for myself. i have been feeling that "missions trips" are not for that reason. the purpose is to allow people that dont know about Jesus to know, and if they are saved, amen. so the whole time i felt the way i didnt want to. i mean, there was some cool stuff going on, but i dont understand enough of the whole ministry that we took part in to feel fulfilled. so i am guessing that God is telling me that it is not up to me why i go, but that maybe he did have me there to just open my eyes. when i think about china and what i saw and did i get a dark feeling. in fact, i close up and run from it. we had a china team dinner the other night and everyone talked about how amazing it was and all the fun little dinky things that happened on the trip. of course also some really powerful things. but when it came to me to say something, i didnt know what to say. just that i am confused. so everyone was all wierd because i wasnt all excited, just being honest and pretty blunt about how the trip was organized and all that technical stuff which i hate anyway. this is one of those things where you realize that without God, without Jesus the spirit inside me, i am helpless and alone. that is what is amazing about Gods grace. thats what its all about. we shouldnt feel pressured or like we have to follow some standard to living a "christian" life. Jesus paid the price and it is DONE. NOW we are free. man i hate when people write blogs like this, now i'm doing it. whatever, its truth and honesty, what else would you want?

other than that, my wife and kids and i are moving from one lodge to the other tomorrow. yippidy fricken do. no, its cool. hopefully we will get my wife signed up for some classes this year and she can finish school and make a bunch of money while i do nothing. NOT! ok, i'll do a blog thingy now, so if you actually read this whole thing you have to tell me the first song that comes to your head. DON'T sit there and think of what would be all cool and original to write so everyone things you're all cool and original, just type the first song right away, and who its by. and if you feel dumb with what you thought of, you still have to type it, dont be gay. here i go: the hall and oates song matt has on his myspace, you make my dreams come true...

new pictures up on the China blog.

i havent been able to view my blog or comments, but i am in a city called wenshan in southern china. things have been going very well, i love it here. i have been teaching english at a middle school and it is going wonderfully. we've had alot of opportunities to teach about what we are "interested" in..... i will have much more to post later, some crazy stories to come. i hope everyone is well.

well i'm going to China in a few days. Sounds like a classic mission trip, but I am excited that God has me on it. I think it will affect me in ways I could never predict. The hardest part is being away from my wife and kids for 2 and a half weeks. that a damn long time. If it crosses your mind, please pray for me, the team, and the hmong people we will be working with over the next few weeks. it's appreciated. thats it, i love everyone.

here's a top 5:

favorite things as of right now...
1. frolf
2. golf
3. lost
4. friends
5. wine

Sled Master
Originally uploaded by joshpool.

My Kids have a new blog, it's badical, go check it out.